Separation
by AmazonTurk
Summary: Due to a freak Lifestream ejaculation, Cloud finds himself face to face...with himself.  Rated T for cursing and all around stupidity.  May become a three parter if the Muses go on a drinking binge...again.  Guess what?  It happened!
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: I have writer's block on my lemon for 'Part of Life'. May the insanity of this fic cure that. Shiva be praised. Got inspired by a little video on YouTube called Squall vs. Vincent, Episode 10. It introduces Cloud and he is so emo. It's just a bunch of awesome randomness, but it was Cloud's disposition that spawned this. Check out the video...its hilarious.**_

**_Also, I normally try to tie my fics together somehow. Yeah, not on this one. Completely random. No affiliation with any of my previous work._**

**_Disclaimer: Squeenix owns the world. I own nothing. And I'm sad._**

* * *

Cloud had finished his delivery to the Mideel Medical Center and was making his way back to Fenrir. He had parked the bike on the outskirts of the town, the citizens having reconstructed to the best of their abiltiy after the eruption of the Lifestream over three years ago. The pools of the Planet's blood still dotted the town, wooden bridges and walkways having been erected to enable movement around the city. However, pedestrian traffic was all that was permitted within the city limits. Therefore, Fenrir had to stay put. 

Walking through the sparsely populated town, Cloud smiled and waved at a few kids playing outside. His guilt had been lifted significantly since he'd been forgiven by his two friends who's deaths had burdened him. Unfortunately, his sadness held on to him, unwilling to let him go. He didn't know what to do to get rid of it.

As he was leaving Mideel, a slight tremor in the Lifestream occurred, causing a small eruption of the green liquid to shoot out of the ground like a geiser. Having been exposed to Mako for the majority of his life, Cloud thought nothing of it as he was soaked with the water. After all, it had been that same substance that had cured Geostigma roughly a year ago.

Straddling Fenrir, Cloud adjusted his goggles and revved the engine, a feeling of excitement coming over him as he sped off in the direction to where he would catch the ferry to the mainland and then back home to Edge. Thinking of the bar, of his home, of Tifa and the kids, his heart became light and full and a sense of elation swept over him, so strong that he had to pull over to the side of the road and shake himself.

"Why have we stopped?"

Cloud jumped off the bike and drew the Buster Sword component he had strapped to his back, pointing it at the throat of the voice. He nearly dropped the sword when he stared into a familiar pair of glowing Mako blue eyes. _His_ glowing Mako blue eyes. This guy looked just like him! Exactly like him, down to the arrangement of spikes on his head.

"What the fuck?" Cloud exclaimed, staring at the person sitting on the bitch seat of his bike. "Who are you?"

"Cloud Strife," he answered, his voice carrying a sad, depressed tone. "You?"

"Cloud Strife," Cloud answered, picking his sword up and placing his hands on his hips. "You sure do got my look down. What are you, a cosplayer?"

"No, I'm Cloud Strife," the look-alike told him. Sighing deeply, he got off the bike. "I don't blame you for doubting me. I'm not good for anything. I can't help anyone."

Whoa, that sounded familiar. "Okay, okay, wait just a damn minute," he said, feeling very bold and strong for the first time in a helluva a long time. "You're Cloud Strife."

"Yeah."

"Where were you born?"

"Nibelheim."

"What do you do?"

"I'm an ex-ShinRa guard who thought I was an ex-SOLDIER who let my best friend die and then let another one of my friends die and got in the way as my friends saved the world...twice."

"Holy fuck, you're emo-Me!" Cloud shouted, pointing at his double. "When I got hit with the Lifestream back there, it must have separated the two of us. No wonder I'm so happy."

Emo-Cloud looked at him sorrowfully. "Nobody likes me," he said, plopping down on the floor. "I'm sad."

"Well, yeah, nobody likes you, because you're a fuckin' downer, Dude," Cloud told himself. Emo-Cloud looked up at him, glowing blue eyes dull with sadness and dullness. "You blame everything wrong with the Planet on yourself. No one wants to chill with a guy like that."

"But it's all my fault," Emo-Cloud explained. "I let Zack die, I let Aeris die, I even let Kadaj die. He was my brother."

"Okay, number one, ShinRa killed Zack," Cloud told him, ticking things off on his fingers. "Two, Sephiroth killed Aeris. Number Three, Kadaj needed to die, sadistic little Mama's boy that he was. Four, he's not your brother. He's a test tube baby. Your parents weren't Mr. and Mrs. Bunsen Burner."

"So I don't have a little brother?"

"Nope, only child."

Emo-Cloud lowered his hand. "I have no siblings," he said painfully. "Now, I'm sad."

"Oh Shiva," Cloud said, running his fingers through his hair. He reached his hand up. "Get up."

Emo-Cloud took Cloud's hand and let the happier man pull him up. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm sick of you," Cloud said. "You bring me down. You are such an emo-fuck, you make me not be able to stand my own self. We've been separated for approximately ten minutes and I'm the happiest I've ever been. Sorry, Dude. I gotta kill ya."

"That's okay," Emo-Cloud said, dropping his sword. "The world would be better without me anyway."

"Damn straight," Cloud said, running his sword through Emo-Cloud's chest.

Emo-Cloud simply stared at the sword protruding from his chest. "Ow," he said in a monotoned voice. "My chest hurts. And I'm sad."

In a flash of mini-Lifestream currents, Emo-Cloud was gone. Cloud grinned. He hopped back on Fenrir and tore through the countryside of the island, getting on the ferry and heading home.

* * *

Tifa was wiping down the bar, humming to herself when she heard the screetching of tires outside the bar. The doors slammed open and Cloud ran in, huge smile plastered on his face. 

"Cloud!" she cried, startled to see his teeth. She was beginning to doubt their existence. "What happened?"

Cloud hopped over the bar and backed her against the wall, pinning her hands over her head and ravaging her mouth with his. His body pressed into hers intimately, letting her know in no uncertain terms what he wanted to do. He pulled back from the kiss, grinning down at her. "I've wanted to do that since that night at the well," he confessed.

Tifa smiled up at him, her chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath. "Okay," she breathed out. "Why'd it take you so long, you asshole?"

"Had to let some things die."

"Are they dead?"

He grinned again. "Dead and gone and never to return," he answered, leaning down to kiss her again. She stopped him, releasing one of her hands from his grip. "What?"

"I've waited for you for all these years," she said angrily. "There's one thing I need to do."

He smiled again. "Anything you want, Teef," he said seductively.

She smirked and pushed him away, sending a fist to his gut and a foot to his face. "That's for making me think you didn't love me, you Emofuck!" she said, throwing her arms around him. "Okay! All better! Let's go upstairs."

Cloud spat out blood and grinned at her again. "You got it, Babe!"

* * *

**_A/N: This fic is over...and I'm sad._**


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: Smirnoff and Muses do NOT mix!**_

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing but the insanity that follows._**

* * *

The sky overhead opened up and let fall it's seemingly endless streams of rain, washing away all the grime and filth that had gathered on the world and sending it drifting away to never be thought of again. 

Standing in the rain was a cleansing experience. It was a metaphorical way to rid one's self of the sins of one's past. However, for Vincent Valentine, standing in a tsunami wouldn't uncorrupt his black soul. Too many sins lay heavily on his tainted heart, a testament to the unforgivable past deeds that had condemned him to this life of solitude and severe angst.

"Shiva's tits, he's brooding again," Yuffie said, staring out the window of Tifa's bar and sucking on a lime wedge. She turned to her female companions. "Girls, we've got to do something about this."

Shelke stood up on a chair and looked out the window with Yuffie. "It appears that Vincent Valentine is standing in the rain," she observed. "How do you figure that he is brooding?"

"Hello?" Yuffie said, knocking on Shelke's head. "Reboot the neurological network. It's _Vincent_...standing in the rain. Besides, he always broods."

"Past sins and unforgivable actions, or inactions, as it were, forcing him to atone for all the pain he supposedly brought upon the world," Tifa sighed. The younger women looked at her oddly. "What? You hear a lot of crazy shit when you work in a bar."

"I suppose so," Shelke replied.

"You know, it would be kinda romantic and shit if it wasn't so..."

"Icky?"

"Yeah," Tifa replied.

All three women continued staring at the red-cloaked gunman. Vincent turned his face up toward the weeping heavens. "Oh hell, if he screams her name again..."

"LUCRECIA!"

Yuffie slammed her face down on the counter. "That's IT!" she yelled. "No more! We have GOT to do something about this!"

"What do you propose we do, Yuffie Kisaragi?" Shelke asked.

Yuffie thought for a moment, her hyperactive ninja mind going a mile a minute. "We've got to lure Emo-Vinnie out and kill him," she said darkly. "Teef, didn't Cloud say that's how he got better?"

Tifa nodded. "Yeah," she answered enthusiastically. "He got jizzed on by the Lifestream in Mideel."

"Do you think the Lifestream in Aeris' church will work or do we need to get his broody ass to Mideel?"

Tifa reached for her cell phone. "Hang on, let me find out," she said, hitting Cloud's number. "Cloud? Hey, we have a situation we need your help with."

* * *

"I do not understand why you required me to come along on this venture," Vincent sulked, his head hidden behind his cloak. "You three are perfectly capable of fending for yourselves." 

"True that may be, it always makes a lady feel better to be escorted by a gentleman," Yuffie said, hanging onto his clawed arm.

Vincent looked at the three women in his company. "I see one lady, an annoying ninja and a prepubescent midget," he growled.

Yuffie smacked him. "That's not nice!" she said. "And Tifa's a martial artist, not a ninja."

"Hey!" Tifa exclaimed. "I was the lady."

"She's delusional," Yuffie whispered as they walked into Aeris' church. "Oh good! The flowers have started growing again!"

Vincent watched as the women went to gather a bouquet of the lilies, wondering how the pool of Lifestream remained so...untainted; whereas his black soul continued to dwell in the endless darkness of sin and despair.

"He's brooding," Shelke whispered.

"Good!" Yuffie whispered back. "Now's our chance. Flash him and distract him so that..."

"Flash him?!"

"Uh, yeah," Yuffie said, rolling eyes. "You know, lift up your shirt and show him your boobs."

Tifa flushed indignantly. "Yuffie, I don't..."

"Shut up and do _your_ part!" Yuffie snapped.

Tifa huffed and got to her feet going over to Vincent.

"Vincent Valentine."

Vincent turned his head over to the direction of Shelke and Yuffie. Shelke had lifted her shirt up and was...flashing him? He cocked his head to the side and arched an eyebrow. "What are you doing, Shelke?" he asked with a hint of amusement in his voice.

"I'm showing you my breasts," she answered.

"That's highly in-..."

"She's nineteen, Vinnie!" Yuffie retorted.

"She looks ten."

"But she's _nineteen_!"

"She looks _ten_."

"But she's --"

"It doesn't matter how old she _is_," Vincent snapped. "The fact remains that she _looks_ ten. Therefore, by Shelke flashing me, you would have received the same result by shoving a piece of cardboard in my face."

"He does have a point, Yuffie Kisaragi," Shelke said, lowering her shirt.

Vincent smirked. He didn't have time to bask in his victory, however; Tifa came forward and shoved him into the pool of the Lifestream. Vincent released a very amusing sound, something between a grunt and a squeal as he hit the water. He sputtered to the surface, his red eyes dancing with...mirth?

"Yet another sin to add to my already abundant collection, damning me further into the farthest circle of the worst hell imaginable."

Vincent turned in the water and stared straight into the crimson eyes of himself. He stared. He stared back. A feeling of giddiness began to overcome him as he looked upon the soggy dark locks of his emotional counterpart. "Holy fucking Ifrit, get this freak some eyeliner!" he laughed.

Emo-Vincent stared back, his blood red gaze a mix of anger and angst. "You mock the pain that weighs so heavily upon my soul, damning me eternally into a hellfire that I so deserve?"

Vincent laughed as he dragged himself out of the water. He removed his cloak and tossed it to his tortured self. "You may need an extra one," he told him with a smile. He then stripped out of his wet shirt and kicked off his metal boots, leaving him in nothing but his leather pants. "Damn, those things hurt my feet!"

He removed Cerberus from his holster and checked the gun, knowing the weapon was not susceptible to water. "Okay, emofuck, here's the deal," he said, aiming the three-barreled pistol through the aura of gloom and doom. "I fucking hate you! DIE!"

Three bullets ripped through the chest of Emo-Vincent, the currents of his dark and tainted soul, which, consequently, weren't so dark and tainted, drifting off into the heaven's. Vincent grinned and breathed a deep breath. "I say gods DAMN!" he laughed. He grabbed Tifa, who happened to be the closest to him, and kissed her fiercely on the lips. Tossing, her into the Lifestream pool, he went to Yuffie and did the same to her, throwing her in after Tifa. Going to Shelke, he gave her an affectionate pat on the head and tossed her into the water. With a yelp of joy, he jumped in after them.

Resurfacing, Vincent laughed at the shocked but smiling faces of his companions. "You know what would make this better?" he asked with a mischievous grin. He tossed his leather pants and boxers onto the shore and smirked. "If we were ALL naked!"

The girls shrieked as he chased them, laughing as they tried (not very hard) to get away from the nude gunman. He caught Yuffie first and she kissed him playfully. "Welcome back to the world, Vincent," she said with a grin.

He smiled back and tossed her now nude form into the air. He set his eyes on Tifa who giggled and shrieked as she tried to swim away. "It's good to be back!"

* * *

_**A/N: Mwah ha ha ha! Yay! Vincent's happy...and naked! Drinks all around!**_


End file.
